The other day I was working for Mrs. C Pulling apart some strange apparatus when boholdith me a foul serpent.
Now first let me say that the phobia of snakes runs deep in my family. I have memories from when I was a small child of my father running away from the no legged fiends. This has been handed down to me unfortunately. When I see or hear of a snake my heart stops I shake I sweat and I run. My Mother is not afraid of snakes and usually is the one who saved my father from them. She would get this savage look in her eyes and would charge the serpent with various weapons. For instance Shovels axes hoes (the garden tool you fool) and what ever Else she could get her hands on.
One memory sticks out. It was late at night, we were wakened by the screaming of chickens. Me and mama ran to check it out lo and behold there was a snake in the chicken coop. I held the flash light in trebling hands. As momma beat the thing to death with a very dull axe.
Scarred me for life that night did.
Well back to the main topic. I was prying apart the apparatus when I saw a snake only a foot from my hand. I shouted (I will not say what. for I fear in my primitive terror I forgot my manners)
I ran from the nightmare but had a sudden surge of courage at the sight of an old shovel.
I shall now slip into nerdome and tell the story as it played out in my head.
The Wizard (nerd) took up his staff (shovel) and charged his foe. The Dragon (Snake) raised its foul head and roared. (Hissed) the Wizard (Nerd) swung his staff (shovel) missing the Dragon (Snake) by a long shot. As the Dragon (Snake) charged the Wizard (Nerd) retreated, a string of curses spilling from his lips. After a moment the Wizard (Nerd) regained his courage and charged again this time piercing the Dragons (Snake's) head. after repeatedly beating the Dragon (Snake) till his staff (Shovel) broke the Wizard (Nerd) grabbed another one and paraded around the village (Yard) holding the Dragons (Snake's) body aloft.
All this really happened and after I was done parading I burned the snake. so that leaves the score for this year.
Wizard 1 Dragons 0
Post at ya later
Nerd out!
6 comments:
Nerd is right, Scared of snakes and look at that picture, only a nerd would put that on their blog. What kind of sissy boy would let their mama kill all the snakes....NEEERD!
Love ya,
Mom-LOL (you have to read this post with the whiny voice of that guy on Jimmy Neutron who's parents 'actually dance the chicken dance'.
Great Story, of course!
Ah, Ian...........I had no idea you had such writing talent. I am quite impressed! That day was a memory maker. You know, a real kodak moment. You have certainly caused me to take a fresh view of the events. I am glad you are blogging. I enjoy checking out what everyone is up to. Now that I have found you, I will add you to my favorites. Keep up the writing. Keep chasing those dreams and you WILL catch them. Love ya much, Cammy
Snakes. I can relate to the fear.... once i was cleaning my room and found a snake skin behind my mirror. I screamed and ran to my bed. But usually when i see a snake (I only kill venomous snakes - murderer of innocent creatures!) I grab a shovel, hoe, gun - whatever is nearby and beat it to death. I try to make it as quick and painless as possible.
You're rendition of your last slaying was very entertaining. I've noticed I'm always leaving you comments and you never comment on my myspace - and no excuses, your mom already said you could use her's, I heard her.
Thats not funny. MOM He was only a little boy! I LOVE the story Ian.
I don't like snakes either.
Love ya lots!
Chuch
Thats ok Ian, we all know your mom is crazy. LOL. Heck, Hashem himself put the fear of "dragons" in us so embrace that fear. I am so glad to hear you slew the mighty beast. Can you write a cute story like that for us and put it in the era of gunpowder like maybe the wild wild west because Jeff just killed our first snake this weekend with a shotgun. And yes, I was TERRIFIED!!!
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