So here we are again, the high holidays are approaching and its almost time to start looking back on what we've done, or haven't done. This year has been a big one, well, at least for me. I started my Jewish journey by converting, I had my tonsils removed, I loved, fought, lost and prevailed, I've done good and bad, been happy, enraged, confused, and sad. I think over all its been the most insane year I have had (but I am positive I'll have many more to come) its had its ups and downs but never a dull moment.
Now as I look back I think of every time I hurt, or offended someone. In the weeks leading up to Yom Kippur your supposed to ask forgiveness of the people you've hurt. This for me is hard, my pride and anger get in the way and I think "That wasn't wrong he deserved it." Pride is a pain in the butt, but that's what Yom Kippur is about looking back at the wrong things you've done and making sure you don't do it again.
May G-d be with us all as we work towards making this coming year better than the last.

I know its a little early but it was on my mind so what can I say.

NEW POST!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while I've been out. (Nothing serious just surgery)
So what to talk about... Ah the light of my life, the life preserver that keeps my head above water, the food and water for my soul and mind. Yes the magical substance I am talking about is religion. The thing that keeps insanity at bay and clears away the confusion of the world (or at least part of it).
Now not all religions can do this in fact in my opinion only one, the one, you guessed it Judaism. Oh-yeah!
Judaism is a full body religion, an experience, you have to live Judaism to understand it, books are good, great really. but when it comes to certain things you have to experience them in order to understand them. And oh how I am experiencing Judaism!
Every time I turn around there is something else to love about Judaism. Holding the Torah, an Alliah picking fruit, yes even picking fruit is an experience. There is something about, having a certain prayer for every thing that makes life that much more meaningful.
Every morning, every night, every meal, it all has meaning and its wonderful, fantastic.
Well that's enough of my raving for a while.

Oh I almost forgot, my surgery was very minor I just got my tonsils removed, and I don't want to hear anyone telling me that its bad or that the doctors just do it for the money. I don't care its already been done. More on that later.

Live long and prosper.

Jewish

I'm Jewish! Yesterday was my Hatafat dam Brit (The poking bit, I wont go into details) then I went in the mikvah followed by a ceremony where I held the Torah for the first time as a Jew, said Shema for the first time as a Jew and was Blessed with my name Nachman Ovadya "compassionate servant of G-d".
Words alone cannot begin to explain the over whelming joy that pulses through my very soul right now. last night and this morning I said my prayers as a Jew and it was amazing like I said I can't explain it.
Tomorrow I am going to weekly minion and Saturday I will have my first Aliah, Life is good!

Passover

Ah its that time of year again you know what I'm talking about. The bland food, the cracker crumbs. Passover is here.
So far my Passover has been pretty good. For the first Seder we went to the Rabbi's house. In all there were about twenty people at the Seder and we knew them all for the most part. I really enjoyed the Seder, it was entertaining (yes a Seder I didn't fall a sleep during) funny and meaningful all in one. The Hagada the Rabbi used this year was called "A Different Night" I forgot who wrote it but whom ever he is he got tired of the stereo typical boring Seder and made a new Seder for the A.D.D. in all of us. Anyway everyone had a great time and I really felt like a part of the community.
We have been volunteering as much as we can at the Shul, and right before Passover there's a whole lot to do. So we've been kind of getting in the community a little more which is nice. The people at Shul seem to be excepting us, some even want me to go out with their daughters but we wont go into details.
Yep conversion time is just around the corner and it feels like crunch time, I'm not worrying about the needle or about taking a bath in front of a witness. I am worrying about the Beit Din, I think I will be okay about the heart questions but if they ask any factual questions, I will either freeze up or not know the answer. Mom keeps telling me its not a test its just a inquiry to see if I really want to convert for the right reasons. I know I shouldn't worry but what can you do?
I really hope people don't think that I am converting because of my parents. I am doing this for me I have always wanted to convert and I have always loved Judaism, this is my decision. I am not really an excitable person and I don't openly show my emotions so I don't want it to look like I am going through this like a robot I am extremely exited and I have never wanted something so bad.
I hope everyone enjoys their season of flavorless crackers that spread crumbs all over the house and dry out your mouth. Hag Samayoch.

Peace out.

Ian Cauthen

P.S. did anyone else forget to count the Omer on the second night? My bad.

Purim

As I have previously mentioned I am studying for conversion. The other day I was in class and the rabbi was talking about the holidays in detail, he had them all written down on a chart in order one after the other. I was late and missed the first part but I came in in time to hear about Purim. He asked the question, "What is the miracle of Purim?" Well everyone had a different answer; that we survived Haman's evil plot, or that Esther actually became queen, bla bla bla. These weren't the answers the Rabbi was looking for.

The miracle of Purim was that we acted on our own. Esther is the only book of the bible that does not mention God, sure you can say he's in the shadows changing things around to help us out but really he isn't in there. And that's the beauty of Purim we actually got it right. We didn't need God to do everything for us. Well that's to say that God had a passive roll instead of an active roll.

So I got to thinking that the history of the Jews is just like a life cycle of us humans.

In the Exodus we were children God had to do everything for us. He had to pick a leader, force the leader to talk, convinced the Pharaoh to let them go, and defeated the Pharaohs army when they attacked us. We did nothing but walk and wipe blood on our door lintels.

Then as we wondered around in the desert we were like two year olds constantly whining and complaining. God even had to hold the Mountain over our heads in order to make us except the Torah.

On and on throughout Torah we behave like children, God had to do everything for us and even had to punish us from time to time.

But when we get to the story of Esther we've grown up a bit. I'm not saying we don't need God its more like when a father is teaching a child how to ride a bike. The father pushes the child and then lets the child go, the child will go for a while then fall, without the father to hold them up and push them the child cannot stay on the bike. But finally the father lets go and the child rides forward and learns to ride with the father keeping watch and giving a little help when needed.

I thought this was interesting but that's just me.

Me

Well I guess since I have a blog I should actually post.
I'll just start with the basics of what I like to do.
Probably the number one thing I do is read. If I start a good book I will get nothing done. I have always been into science fiction and fantasy until I discovered something that changed my life forever. The classics! Now I read Charles Dickens, Edgar Allen Poe, and Albert Camus. Don't get me wrong I'll still read Hubbard or Tolkien every now and then, but the mastery of the Classics is unbeatable.

My other obsession is writing, I know it's the classic -nerd reads book and says "hey, I can do that!"- story, but alas that is me.
I am not a very good writer, my stories are dull and my characters are flimsy, but I enjoy it, its therapeutic for me.
Another problem I have with writing is that I always start a new book before I finish the last one. The result is that I have about ten unfinished books on my computer in note books or just on stray pieces of paper.
I think, hope, that one day I will finish a book and publish, maybe.

To further my nerdiness I am a juggler. It all started when my dad came home with a Duncan juggling kit, complete with balls and instructional video. Now I juggle everything in sight including flaming pine cones and snowballs.

Last but not least I unicycle. My father and brother use to ride the unicycle and it inspired me. It all started one day when my dad was at a thrift shop when BEHOLEDETH him a Schwinn unicycle. It was in terrible shape. The rest is history.
Now even though neither my dad nor my brother ride the unicycle I try to ride it every day.
Now let me sort out a common misconception...I am not a big, red-nosed clown riding around terrorizing children. I Muni! Which is simply mountain unicycling. I live on a dirt road where there is a trail that leads to what we call the "Pipe line". Which is a series of large hills that four wheelers, (And muni's) ride up and down.

So that's Ian in a nut shell. Besides sleeping (which is my favorite thing to do) eating and working on my conversion to Judaism.

Post at you later

Nerd out