So here we are again, the high holidays are approaching and its almost time to start looking back on what we've done, or haven't done. This year has been a big one, well, at least for me. I started my Jewish journey by converting, I had my tonsils removed, I loved, fought, lost and prevailed, I've done good and bad, been happy, enraged, confused, and sad. I think over all its been the most insane year I have had (but I am positive I'll have many more to come) its had its ups and downs but never a dull moment.
Now as I look back I think of every time I hurt, or offended someone. In the weeks leading up to Yom Kippur your supposed to ask forgiveness of the people you've hurt. This for me is hard, my pride and anger get in the way and I think "That wasn't wrong he deserved it." Pride is a pain in the butt, but that's what Yom Kippur is about looking back at the wrong things you've done and making sure you don't do it again.
May G-d be with us all as we work towards making this coming year better than the last.

I know its a little early but it was on my mind so what can I say.

hey, hey, hey. whats going on my cronies. I must admit it has been a while since I have even been on my blog. why?
work. Yes Ian has entered the realm of the responsible, working, adult, world. or maybe I have just stuck my head in the door.
beyond that my weeks have been pretty full.
on the fourth we went to an old Friend of my Dad's house. He built a half pipe and we skated it all week end. my knee caps are still scraped. Thanks David!
other than that I got in front of every one at shul and gave a teaching/speech thingy last Friday.
I am off to work now so keep it cool. I leave you with a heart felt poem.

Good bye so long but hopefully not for long

I shall return for I know you yearn

for what I have to say

wow I need more sleep

Tefillin

I put on my Tefillin for the first time this morning and it was amazing (shout out to my boy Rabbi Kramer for getting me and Dad each a pair, thanks). The Tefillin came with a DVD, it had people talking about what Tefillin meant to them. Each person said something different, but the one thing that was said that stuck with me through out my whole morning prayers was that, the act of putting on the Tefillin is literally bonding yourself to G-d, and before I put them on I didn't understand but it is the most profound thing. When you wrap the Tefillin around your fingers you say "I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you with righteousness with Justice, with love and with compassion. I will betroth you to me with faithfulness and you shall love the Lord." In doing this you are betrothing your self to G-d every morning. Like I have said in previous posts you can't just read about it you have to experience it.
Another thing the DVD talked about was that the first thoughts in the morning are the most important. When you put on the Tefillin you kind of set the pace for the rest of the day. And there is no better pace to set than that of bonding you self to G-d.

Jew Boy out!

NEW POST!

Sorry I haven't posted in a while I've been out. (Nothing serious just surgery)
So what to talk about... Ah the light of my life, the life preserver that keeps my head above water, the food and water for my soul and mind. Yes the magical substance I am talking about is religion. The thing that keeps insanity at bay and clears away the confusion of the world (or at least part of it).
Now not all religions can do this in fact in my opinion only one, the one, you guessed it Judaism. Oh-yeah!
Judaism is a full body religion, an experience, you have to live Judaism to understand it, books are good, great really. but when it comes to certain things you have to experience them in order to understand them. And oh how I am experiencing Judaism!
Every time I turn around there is something else to love about Judaism. Holding the Torah, an Alliah picking fruit, yes even picking fruit is an experience. There is something about, having a certain prayer for every thing that makes life that much more meaningful.
Every morning, every night, every meal, it all has meaning and its wonderful, fantastic.
Well that's enough of my raving for a while.

Oh I almost forgot, my surgery was very minor I just got my tonsils removed, and I don't want to hear anyone telling me that its bad or that the doctors just do it for the money. I don't care its already been done. More on that later.

Live long and prosper.

Jewish

I'm Jewish! Yesterday was my Hatafat dam Brit (The poking bit, I wont go into details) then I went in the mikvah followed by a ceremony where I held the Torah for the first time as a Jew, said Shema for the first time as a Jew and was Blessed with my name Nachman Ovadya "compassionate servant of G-d".
Words alone cannot begin to explain the over whelming joy that pulses through my very soul right now. last night and this morning I said my prayers as a Jew and it was amazing like I said I can't explain it.
Tomorrow I am going to weekly minion and Saturday I will have my first Aliah, Life is good!

Confession and withdrawal

Have you ever done something every day for a long time, so long it became a habit. Something you thought about all day and looked forward to. Then suddenly Bam something happens and you can't do it any more. You wake up with it on your mind you wait for a break in your day when you will be free to do it and when that break comes you're ready, you're exited then it hits you, you can no longer do that thing which brings you pleasure.
I do not do drugs of any kind I don't smoke drink (alcohol) or have a serious addiction to caffeine (although I do like a Pepsi every now and then) or any other harmful substance. But I am a uni junkie, there I said it I, its my way of getting away. Its just as much of a novelty as riding a bike or a skateboard. When I have had a rough day or my siblings have been loud (which is every day) I like to ride down the road and jump off of things. And nothing feels better than taking a hot shower after riding for a long time, especially when you get hurt (which is quite often).
Any way my unicycle is broken its had several complications and I'm at my wits end. I NEED to get it fixed before I lose my mind!!!!

Uni junkie out :(

Passover

Ah its that time of year again you know what I'm talking about. The bland food, the cracker crumbs. Passover is here.
So far my Passover has been pretty good. For the first Seder we went to the Rabbi's house. In all there were about twenty people at the Seder and we knew them all for the most part. I really enjoyed the Seder, it was entertaining (yes a Seder I didn't fall a sleep during) funny and meaningful all in one. The Hagada the Rabbi used this year was called "A Different Night" I forgot who wrote it but whom ever he is he got tired of the stereo typical boring Seder and made a new Seder for the A.D.D. in all of us. Anyway everyone had a great time and I really felt like a part of the community.
We have been volunteering as much as we can at the Shul, and right before Passover there's a whole lot to do. So we've been kind of getting in the community a little more which is nice. The people at Shul seem to be excepting us, some even want me to go out with their daughters but we wont go into details.
Yep conversion time is just around the corner and it feels like crunch time, I'm not worrying about the needle or about taking a bath in front of a witness. I am worrying about the Beit Din, I think I will be okay about the heart questions but if they ask any factual questions, I will either freeze up or not know the answer. Mom keeps telling me its not a test its just a inquiry to see if I really want to convert for the right reasons. I know I shouldn't worry but what can you do?
I really hope people don't think that I am converting because of my parents. I am doing this for me I have always wanted to convert and I have always loved Judaism, this is my decision. I am not really an excitable person and I don't openly show my emotions so I don't want it to look like I am going through this like a robot I am extremely exited and I have never wanted something so bad.
I hope everyone enjoys their season of flavorless crackers that spread crumbs all over the house and dry out your mouth. Hag Samayoch.

Peace out.

Ian Cauthen

P.S. did anyone else forget to count the Omer on the second night? My bad.